Chloe's sister discovers that Chloe is living in a long term ménage à trios. This subject is rare in movies. The vague and sexually driven glimpses movies have made toward triads does little to bring that experience to earth. Most people can't begin to picture it. Many question if it is even possible.
When I did my research, it was surprising to me how quickly I found 6 triads that were decades old. These polyamorious relationships defied the assumptions of the outside world. Most had a woman in the middle. Some involved bi-sexual partners, but they were often straight. Although jealously does sabotage young triads, it appears that ones that have lasted, have done so by putting that issue in their past. They have trouble remembering what jealousy feels like. The phrase ménage à trois means household of three, meaning three living together, not necessarily all sleeping and making love together. Both ways exist. The trust and communication that is important in any relationship is the absolute key to survival with multiple partners. In the end it's just a domestic life; cooking meals, laundry, carpooling, feeling devoted & dependent, arguments and laughter, balancing needs. Historically, monogamy was the exception rather than the rule. Polygamy was common as a religiously based patriarchy with the man heading the house. Muslims and Mormons are examples. Possibly one reason monogamy has become dominate in the modern world is that the rise of gender equality opposes patriarchy. There is a new phenomenon, where people are finding polygamy among equals without a patriarchal religious base. What is it like, this new domestic reality? Very few of them have come out of the closet, so there are more than you think. Has this ever occurred before the present generation? Maybe not. I believe it has never occurred in the movies, not the way I am depicting it. Chloe's ménage à trois is a day to day life. It doesn't begin or end in the movie, it is never really threatened, it is simply there. The conflict in the movie is caused by the larger society's reaction to it, and the challenge that creates for Chloe. I don't tell people the movie is about a triad. I say it is about the challenge of being yourself when the outside world resists. I normalize the triad by making it a given. |
Ménage à Trois in the Movies
For the people who live in multiple partner relationships, their life has much in common with other family life. However movies have barely touched that reality. A polygamous relationship has barely been approached in film as a day to day lifestyle. When movies do approach it they tend to fall into a few categories. Here are some movies that fit into these trends. 1) The triad as a solution to a love triangle. In this category, the polygamy is only introduced in the last 10 minutes of the film as a happily-every-after. It is never fully described. "Paint Your Wagon" 1966, directed by Joshua Logan from the play by Paddy Chayefsky. "Dri" (Three in German) by by Tom Tykwer "Lady M", 1993, Alain Tanner (based on the diaries of Myriam Mezieres) 2) The threesome as a soft focus sexual fantasy come true. This reckless adventure can't endure and is usually destructive. There are many movies in this category. "Summer Lovers", 1982, Directed by Randal Kleiser "Y Tu Mama Tambien" (2001, Mex.) (aka And Your Mother Too) Director Alfonso Cuarón "The Dreamers" Director Bernardo Bertolucci "Kiss The Sky", 1999, Directed by Roger Young. "The Pianist", 1991, Claude Gagnon 3) The story of a conflicted compromise that endures through out life, in spite of the participants effort to resist it. In these films the three partners don't live together long term. "Julies and Jim", 1962, François Truffaut "Lovin' Molly", 1974, Director Sidney Lumet. (Based on the novel "Leaving Cheyenne" by Larry McMurtry.) "On The Road" (from the book by Jack Keroak) This list does not include all movies that depict multiple partners, especially as a single event, however it does show trends. |
Other Resources
There is so much variety in non-mongomous lifestyles that it can be confusing. Rather than touch on it all, in my references I am concentrating on the idea as a whole and on the particular type of relationship the Chloe has. Theirs is a closed, committed "polyfidelitious" family.
BOOKS
Sex at Dawn
by Christopher Ryan, and Cacilda Jethá,
This book explores the origins of our sexual behavior from early evolution to the modern era, challenging assumptions that monogamy is the norm for humans.
http://www.sexatdawn.com
The Polyamorists Next Door
by Elisabeth Sheff
A detailed and authoritative description of real multiple partner families in america from a 15 year study.
http://elisabethsheff.com/category/polyamory-2/
Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits : Secrets of Sustainable Intimate Relationships by Deborah M. Anapol
An early book about Polyamory that also addresses tantra.
http://www.lovewithoutlimits.com/books.html
The Myth of Monogamy
David p. Barash & Judith Eve Lipton
Animal behaviors shed light on human nature, especially when new DNA findings shatter long held conclusions.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Myth-Monogamy-Fidelity-Infidelity/dp/0805071369
ARTICLES
Subversive Desire
By Bell Hooks
As published in Mz Magazine
This article describes how society often prefers secretive duplicity over honesty. This brilliant article was very influential on The Garden of Chloe.
http://www.msmagazine.com/apr99/story4-apr99.html
Polyandry: When Three Isn't a Crowd - Article in CNN Living. Oct. 2013
http://www.cnn.com/2013/10/26/living/relationships-polyamory/index.html?hpt=hp_c3
Émilie du Châtelet
A pioneer woman scientist who's husband supported her romantic involvement with great thinkers of her day.
http://www.visitvoltaire.com/emilie_du_chatelet_bio.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Émilie_du_Châtelet
Academic article on eskimo wife swapping
Functions and Limitations of Alaskan Eskimo Wife Trading
by Larence Hennitgh
http://arctic.synergiesprairies.ca/arctic/index.php/arctic/article/view/3151/3127
Polyandry in Tibet
http://womenshistory.about.com/od/asianwomenshistorymore/a/tibet_polyandry.html
http://www.tibettravel.org/tibetan-people/polyandry-in-tibet.html
POLYANDRY SITES
More Than Two
A how-To advise site on multiple partner relationships
http://www.morethantwo.com
Polyarmory Meetup
Local Meetups are a popular tool for meeting others interested in Polygamy.
http://polyamory.meetup.com
Poly Matchmaker
Primarily a dating site, but many participants are there for poly community contact.
There over 31,000 members.
http://www.polymatchmaker.com
Three Love Story
A personal web site
http://threelovestory.com
There is so much variety in non-mongomous lifestyles that it can be confusing. Rather than touch on it all, in my references I am concentrating on the idea as a whole and on the particular type of relationship the Chloe has. Theirs is a closed, committed "polyfidelitious" family.
BOOKS
Sex at Dawn
by Christopher Ryan, and Cacilda Jethá,
This book explores the origins of our sexual behavior from early evolution to the modern era, challenging assumptions that monogamy is the norm for humans.
http://www.sexatdawn.com
The Polyamorists Next Door
by Elisabeth Sheff
A detailed and authoritative description of real multiple partner families in america from a 15 year study.
http://elisabethsheff.com/category/polyamory-2/
Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits : Secrets of Sustainable Intimate Relationships by Deborah M. Anapol
An early book about Polyamory that also addresses tantra.
http://www.lovewithoutlimits.com/books.html
The Myth of Monogamy
David p. Barash & Judith Eve Lipton
Animal behaviors shed light on human nature, especially when new DNA findings shatter long held conclusions.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Myth-Monogamy-Fidelity-Infidelity/dp/0805071369
ARTICLES
Subversive Desire
By Bell Hooks
As published in Mz Magazine
This article describes how society often prefers secretive duplicity over honesty. This brilliant article was very influential on The Garden of Chloe.
http://www.msmagazine.com/apr99/story4-apr99.html
Polyandry: When Three Isn't a Crowd - Article in CNN Living. Oct. 2013
http://www.cnn.com/2013/10/26/living/relationships-polyamory/index.html?hpt=hp_c3
Émilie du Châtelet
A pioneer woman scientist who's husband supported her romantic involvement with great thinkers of her day.
http://www.visitvoltaire.com/emilie_du_chatelet_bio.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Émilie_du_Châtelet
Academic article on eskimo wife swapping
Functions and Limitations of Alaskan Eskimo Wife Trading
by Larence Hennitgh
http://arctic.synergiesprairies.ca/arctic/index.php/arctic/article/view/3151/3127
Polyandry in Tibet
http://womenshistory.about.com/od/asianwomenshistorymore/a/tibet_polyandry.html
http://www.tibettravel.org/tibetan-people/polyandry-in-tibet.html
POLYANDRY SITES
More Than Two
A how-To advise site on multiple partner relationships
http://www.morethantwo.com
Polyarmory Meetup
Local Meetups are a popular tool for meeting others interested in Polygamy.
http://polyamory.meetup.com
Poly Matchmaker
Primarily a dating site, but many participants are there for poly community contact.
There over 31,000 members.
http://www.polymatchmaker.com
Three Love Story
A personal web site
http://threelovestory.com